Motherhood, Guilt & Grace

Motherhood is beautiful, messy, sacred, and so damn complicated.

We carry children in our arms, in our hearts, and sometimes only in our memories. We carry love, but we also carry guilt. Guilt for what we couldn’t do. For what we didn’t know. For the versions of ourselves we were while trying to survive.

I became a mother young. I loved my daughter deeply, and at the time, I thought giving her to her father’s family to raise was what was best for her. It hurt. Still hurts. But I made that choice from a place of love, not abandonment. And yet—the guilt never quite leaves.

Then came more motherhood. More lessons. Two amazing kids I get to raise and pour into every day. And now, I’m in the process of adopting my niece—my sister’s youngest child—after losing my sister in a car accident.

My motherhood journey isn’t traditional. It’s layered. It’s raw. It’s covered in battle scars and grace.

I’ve mothered through grief, through healing, through pain I didn’t think I could survive. And the one thing I’ve learned over and over again is this:

There is no perfect mother. There is only a present one.

I used to drown in the guilt of what I didn’t do, what I couldn’t fix, and the ways I fell short. But the truth is, I was doing the best I could with what I had—and most of us are.

So this week, I’m giving myself a little more grace. Maybe you need to, too.

Grace for the days you yelled. Grace for the tears you hid. Grace for the love you gave while you were still trying to learn how to love yourself.

To all the mothers out there—the biological, the adoptive, the bonus moms, the grieving, the hopeful, and the healing:

You are enough.

Not because you did it all perfectly, but because you never stopped loving.

This Mother’s Day, I hope you remind yourself: You are allowed to be both the storm and the calm. The nurturer and the one still healing.

You are not alone.

And you are never too far gone to rise again.

With love,
Christina