Beauty in the Breakdown

We talk a lot about rising. Rebuilding. Becoming. But not enough about the moment before that—the breakdown.

The truth is, I didn't become strong in spite of my breakdowns. I became strong because of them.

There was a time in my life where I lost everything I thought made me "me". My body, after the accident. My independence. My confidence. My ability to walk. And for a moment—my will to live.

I had a breakdown in every sense of the word. Mentally. Physically. Spiritually.

But here's the thing they don't tell you: The breakdown is where the rebuilding begins.

In those dark, messy, ugly moments where everything feels shattered—that's where the truth starts to surface. That's where I found clarity. That's where I realized what I was really made of.

I stopped performing strength and started living it. I stopped pretending to be "fine" and started getting real.

There is beauty in the breakdown when you let it crack you open, not crush you. When you allow yourself to unravel, cry, scream, fall apart—and still choose to get up the next day.

One breakdown I remember vividly happened several years after my accident. It was after my second thoracic spinal fusion. I was lying in bed in more pain than I ever thought was possible. The medication they gave me wasn't helping—in fact, it seemed to make things worse. I was so malnourished I could barely eat, and I was deteriorating more and more with every passing day.

I remember laying there, crying so hard I could barely breathe, screaming at God. "Why did you save me from that car accident, just to make me suffer like this?" I felt completely abandoned. It was one of the lowest moments of my life—a total breakdown. One that rocked me to my core.

But I got through it. And I know now that it made me stronger.

Sometimes healing doesn’t look graceful. Sometimes it looks like surviving one minute at a time.

If you're in a breakdown right now, you're not broken. You're in a sacred pause before the rise.

You don’t have to rush your comeback. But don’t underestimate it either. Your breakdown isn’t the end of your story.

It might just be the beginning of your most powerful chapter.

With love,
Christina